FEBRUARY 21 • TRUE LEADERSHIP
Tough Love in Leadership
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
Up until this point I have talked about the kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, the Fruit of the Spirit — and rightly so because most do not fall off on this side of leadership — the gentle side. Most lead from an aloof position, or with neutral disposition or even a harsh, Dominant position — all Level 1 Leadership tactics, not Level 2 and beyond. So I wanted to really, really drive this attitudinal position into our heads and heart. With an understanding that leadership is a Both And, it requires both kindness and sometimes firmness — or doing the right thing — or Tough Love. The WHAT needs to be spot on, not wavering, while the HOW needs to be gentle… and not wavering.
What does that look like? Doing the right thing, even when it’s hard. Sometimes the person needs discipline. Sometimes they need training. Sometimes they need serious consequence. Sometimes it means you have to fire them. As soon as you know there is a problem, you must start formulating the solution. Do not delay. It will cost you more if you wait. It will not simply go away. Plus, it is not fair to the rest of the team for you not to deal with it right away. Partiality is not a good thing. Build that system.
Pray about it. Detail the problem on paper. Get other leaders involved if you have to. Pray about it. Make a decision if it is a firing or non-firing offense. Go talk to the person in their space (that’s kind). Ask them if those things in the problem are the way they see it. Getting facts. If not, do more homework, bring other witnesses. If the things are true, and it’s a firing offense, follow your organization’s protocol to help them do their passion elsewhere (as Dave Ramsey is fond of saying). If it’s not a firing offense, detail the necessary actions with their input, create milestones, and set in place positive accountability to ensure their success. Just because it may be hard doesn’t mean to be unkind. It’s akin to speaking the truth in love. You need both the truth and love. You do absolutely no one any favors by not dealing with it… and not dealing with it in gentleness.
Pray: Lord, help me be well balanced when I need to do hard things and discipline, neglecting neither kindness nor the hard task.
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