END NOTES—WHO’S KILLING YOUR CHURCH?
Below are the same End Notes as in Appendix 3 of the book. They are listed here because there are a lot of Links in the End Notes and if you go to the same note number below, you can simply click on the link instead of having to type it in—and some of them are long!
1. Elders qualifications and purpose—1 Timothy 5:17-22; Titus 1:5-9; James 5:14; 1 Peter 5:1-5.
2. Rick Warren is a controversial figure to some. In this case, he is spot on. Paul did call Christians to unity and sometimes he speaks directly to the people needing to be in unity (like Euodia and Syntyche). 1 Corinthians 1:10; Ephesians 4:1-3 (4:1-16 for extended thought); 4:13; Philippians 4:2; 1 Peter 3:8
3. Leadership Lid definition—“Leadership ability is the lid that determines a person’s level of effectiveness. The lower an individual’s ability to lead, the lower the lid on his potential. The higher the individual’s ability to lead, the higher the lid on his potential.” John C. Maxwell. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You. Kindle Edition.
4. DK2=DKDK=Dee-Kay-Squared. It means that you “don’t know that you don’t know.” Or “didn’t know that you didn’t know.” It’s a redundant, obvious saying. According to John Maxwell, we can actually be in one of four phases of leadership growth—
1. I don’t know what I don’t know.
2. I know that I need to know.
3. I know what I don’t know.
4. I know and grow, and it starts to show.
From the Law of Process, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John C. Maxwell.
5. “They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to move them with their finger.” Matthew 23:4. “They” being the elders, or pharisees. They load the weight of the law on people and don’t help them unburden themselves through the grace of Christ.
6. From churchleadership.org—the Percentage of pastors that have affairs. “A brief overview of the statistics: …3% have had an affair…”
As a PDF, https://files.stablerack.com/webfiles/71795/pastorsstatWP2016.pdf
As an article, http://www.churchleadership.org/apps/articles/default.asp?blogid=4545&view=post&articleid=Statistics-on-Pastors-2016-Update&link=1&fldKeywords=&fldAuthor=&fldTopic=0
7. Dominant personalities make up 10-15% of the population. Information from Target Training International. Cited on Page 46 of Who Do You Think You Are… Anyway? by Dr. Robert A. Rohm Phd.
9. Judging a brother—James 4:11 is not talking about ANY judging. It’s talking about slandering and judging wrongly or judging harshly. We are called to judge PROPERLY in the church. The elders (and all of us) are called to judge CORRECTLY (Matthew 7:2+). At first glance, Matthew 7:1 appears to be calling us to NEVER judge. That is an incorrect interpretation because verse 7:2 makes a distinction between judging correctly and judging incorrectly (see also 1 Corinthians 5:12-13.) If we condemn others for their sins, instead of forgiving—because we have been forgiven for the millions of sins we have committed against God—we judge wrongly—we are hypocrites. However, if we judge correctly, by distinguishing good fruit and bad fruit, and call the bad fruit to account—in love—we judge correctly. In either case, we must use love when judging.
10. What Is A Healthy Church? Mark Dever, 9Marks Ministries. http://just2007.temp.domains/~alaleade/wearecaris.com/reading/
11. John Maxwell—“is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, coach, and speaker who has sold more than 30 million books in fifty languages. In 2014 he was identified as the #1 leader in business by the American Management Association® and the most influential leadership expert in the world by Business Insider and Inc. Magazine. As the founder of The John Maxwell Company, The John Maxwell Team, EQUIP, and the John Maxwell Leadership Foundation, he has trained more than 6 million leaders. In 2015, he reached the milestone of having trained leaders from every country of the world. The recipient of both the Horatio Alger Award and the Mother Teresa Prize for Global Peace and Leadership from the Luminary Leadership Network, Dr. Maxwell speaks each year to Fortune 500 companies, presidents of nations, and many of the world’s top business leaders.” https://www.linkedin.com/in/officialjohnmaxwell
12. https://www.linkedin.com/in/officialjohnmaxwell
13. John Maxwell has written over 90 books selling over 30 million copies and published in over 50 languages.
14. John C. Maxwell has several companies, one of which is called EQUIP. It is a worldwide organization teaching and equipping people to become leaders. They have taught leadership to over five million people as of 2015.
15. “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.” James 1:22; also see Romans 2:13—“For it is not the hearers of the law who are righteous before God, but the doers of the law who will be justified.”
16. Blind spots definition—Maxwell, John C.. Good Leaders Ask Great Questions: Your Foundation for Successful Leadership (Kindle Locations 1171-1172). Center Street. Kindle Edition.
17. The Law of Diminishing Intent which says, “The longer you wait to do something you should do now, the greater the odds that you will never actually do it.”—Jim Rohn. Wikipedia contributors, “Jim Rohn,” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Jim_Rohn&oldid=884982082 (accessed April 11, 2019). White, Royce. Positive Accountability: The First Step To Success (Kindle Locations 764-765). ReadnLead Publishing. Kindle Edition.
18. It was hard getting an accurate reading of how many people have taken a DISC assessment worldwide. There are many companies on the Internet that claim to have given over a million assessments. StrengthsFinder clams over 20 million just for their assessment ( https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/home/en-us/strengthsfinder ) and Meyers Briggs claim over 40 million. Our best estimate is over 20 million assessments, though that appears to be in the US alone. Over the years we have seen estimates as high as 40 million. Although we don’t have an accurate number, we estimate it to be in the tens of millions at least. That’s pretty significant.
19. Fail Forward—to fail forward is to learn from your mistakes, not to let them stop you from moving in a positive direction but get up after you get knocked down and keep going! It’s about being intentional through the obstacles and not let your failures get the best of you. Reflect on your errors (for a short period), make a change and keep pressing on. We all fail. It’s not IF you fail, it’s how you respond WHEN you fail. We will all fail more in life then we succeed. Learning to fail forward is paramount in overcoming those things that hold you back.
20. Self-Awareness—“conscious knowledge of one’s own character, feelings motives, and desires.” (dictionairy.com) Related to empathy. The more empathetic we are (S Supportive personalities), the more self-awareness we usually have. Dominants (opposite of S) are extremely driven and forward thinking, and therefore, typically don’t stop and smell the roses or pay attention to what is going on around them.
21. Two of the DISC personalties are Outgoing—Dominant and Inspiring. They make up about 35% of the population. The other two personalities, Supportive and Conscientious, are Reserved. They make up about 65% or two thirds of the population. The Outgoing personality tend to move more quickly and are faster faced paced in general. The Reserved personalities tend to move more slowly and be slower paced. Not slower thinking.
22. Positive Accountability—is the name of a concept where you hold someone accountable before a situation instead of after it. It’s similar to encouragement except that you have specific times you contact the person being held accountable to encourage them to get and stay on target. Much like a coach. I wrote a book on it. See http://just2007.temp.domains/~alaleade/wearecaris.com/positive-accountability/ for more information.
23. Inspiring (I) personalities make up 25-30% of the population. Information from Target Training International. Cited on Page 46 of Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway? by Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Phd.
24. Supportive (S) personalities make up 30-35% of the population. Information from Target Training International. Cited on Page 46 of Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway? by Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Phd.
25. Conscientious personalities make up 20-25% of the population. Information from Target Training International. Cited on Page 46 of Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway? by Dr. Robert A. Rohm, Phd.
26. The concept of the DISC model of human behavior started with William Moulton Marston when he wrote his book, “Emotions of Normal People” in 1928, where he defined the four primary personality types. Marston was a physiological psychologist receiving his Phd. from Harvard. He theorized that the behavioral expression of emotions could be categorized into four primary types, determined from a person’s perception of self in relationship to his environment. Marston originally labeled these four traits‑ of behavior as Dominance (D), Inducement (I), Submission (S), and Compliance (C).
27. Claudius or Aelius Galenus was born in 129 A.D. He was a follower of Hippocrates, who lived in 460 B.C- 370 B.C, about 600 years earlier. He determined the four temperaments Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic, These four types can be loosely compared to the four personality types of DISC. More on Galen: Wikipedia contributors, “Galen,” Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Galen&oldid=887132995 (accessed April 6, 2019).
28. reasonability test—“A measurement to determine the validity of an action or process.” Business Directory definition http://www.businessdictionary.com/definition/reasonable-test.html. More specifically for my purposes, it’s a phrase I have coined (although I am sure others have coined it as well) to mean something is not right. When we read, hear, or see something that doesn’t resonate with us, it triggers skepticism—something doesn’t look, feel, or seem right. It doesn’t pass our reasonability test.
29. “…a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench, until he brings justice to victory;” Matthew 12:20. This was a reference to Isaiah 42:3, “a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.” Meaning he is gentle and kind to those in need.
30. to get your DISC assessment, go to http://just2007.temp.domains/~alaleade/wearecaris.com/whos-killing-your-church/
31. Derek Kidner, Proverbs, p. 104.
32. A Dominant in sheep’s clothing. It’s a play on Matthew 7:15—“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves.” The point is, we Dominants can be a part of the flock, we can look like a lamb, talk like a lamb, walk like a lamb, but we can devour the sheep. Although, I do believe it is generally unintentional.
33. From the 5 Levels of Leadership, by John C. Maxwell, “The 5 Levels of Leadership defines leading as a verb, not a noun. Leadership is a process, not a position. There was a time when people used the terms leadership and management interchangeably. I think most people now recognize that there is a significant difference between the two. Management is at its best when things stay the same. Leadership deals with people and their dynamics, which are continually changing. They are never static. The challenge of leadership is to create change and facilitate growth. Those require movement, which, as you will soon see, is inherent in moving up from one level of leadership to the next.”
“The 5 Levels of Leadership breaks down leading into understandable steps. The subject of leadership can be overwhelming and confusing. Where does leadership start? What should we do first? What processes should we use? How can we gain influence with others? How can we develop a productive team? How do we help followers become leaders in their own right? The 5 Levels of Leadership gives answers to these questions using understandable steps.”
“The 5 levels of leadership provides a clear game plan for leadership development. Too often when people think of their journey into leadership, they envision a career path. What they should be thinking about is their own leadership development! Good leadership isn’t about advancing yourself. It’s about advancing your team. The 5 Levels of Leadership provides clear steps for leadership growth. Lead people well and help members of your team to become effective leaders, and a successful career path is almost guaranteed.”
Maxwell, John C. The 5 Levels of Leadership: Proven Steps to Maximize Your Potential (pp. 4-5). Center Street. Kindle Edition.
You can order a copy here: WeAreCaris.com/reading
34. 60% of the population are touch oriented. From Endnotes 19-21 above, Inspiring (I) and Supportive (S) types are People oriented. They make up about 60% of the population. People oriented personalities are typically also touch oriented—especially Supportive personalities. Hugs are important. Showing love for one another is important.
35. “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
1 Samuel 18:1
36. See Endnote 32 above.
37. Die to self, live for others. Wherein, the scripture doesn’t say these exact words, it encompasses the heart of Christ. These three scriptures give an example of that when taken together.
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4.
“And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Mark 8:34(-35).
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13.
Additionally—John 3:3-7; Matthew 16:24-25; Luke 14:27; Galatians 2:20
38. “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12. Also, the Golden Rule speaks to this, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Luke 6:31.
39. Peace—Hebrew shalom. Proverbs 3:2—“The term denotes general well-being, a harmony of relationships, wholeness, and health (v. 8). In the Old Testament, the blessings of God are seen primarily in terms of this present life. It was not easy to reconcile this perspective with the suffering of the righteous or the prosperity of the wicked. The revelation that was to come with Christ and especially His resurrection from the dead was still far in the future.” Reformation Study Bible, Ligonier Ministries.
40. Two of the four DISC personalties are People oriented—Inspiring and Supportive. They make up about 65% or two thirds of the population. The other two personalities, Dominant and Conscientious, are Task oriented. They make up about 35% or one third of the population. The Outgoing personalities tend to move more quickly and are faster faced paced in general. The Reserved personalities tend to move more slowly and be slower paced. Not slower thinking. They move more methodically.
41. I didn’t want to break the flow of the thought so I am making my comment here. We can even struggle with feeling anything sometimes. We want to have sorrow and feel for others in their pain, but much of the time, we just feel neutral, numb, or at best sad for them. It is very hard for us to empathize with their pain. We just don’t do empathy well at all. We need to pray for a heart that hurts for the brethren. We need to lose our tough nature and exterior and learn what Christ went through for us. Then, maybe, we just might begin to feel true empathy for the Beloved.
42. John, the disciple whom Jesus loved—John 13:23; John 19:26; John 20:2; John 21:7; John 21:20. John was not only in the inner circle with Jesus, he was one of the three in the inner circle of the inner circle! Peter, James, and John. Peter was a high I personality, James was a high C, and John was a high S! Kind, loving, gentle. But before you think he was a weak individual, remember he raised his D personality when he and James asked Jesus, “Lord, do you want us to tell fire to come down from heaven and consume them?” Luke 9:54. One of the weaknesses of the Supportive personality is that they can go postal. Literally. When you push them too far, they react very much unlike who they are most of the time.
43. Thinking place—a place you go when you want to be quiet and think deeply. Usually the same place. Maybe a special chair in a quiet part of the house. Maybe a placid place outside. The point is to go be alone and think deeply—not superficially, or in a place where you can be disturbed.
44. Brené Brown, shame and blame—Wikipedia contributors. (2019, February 27). Brené Brown. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 17:06, March 26, 2019, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Bren%C3%A9_Brown&oldid=885386374
45. Limiting beliefs—from dictionary.com, “self-limiting—limiting oneself or itself. Restricting or restraining. Belief—an opinion or conviction.” Hence, a limiting belief is a thought that is restricting your convictions. You put restrictions on yourself that are not necessarily true. It means that your thinking process, baggage, or history is what is really stopping you—not the reality of the situation. In fact, a limiting belief is usually one that is not true.
46. MasterMind—a MasterMind Group is a group of people that get together to discuss a book, a subject, or something in a very deep way. There is usually a facilitator responsible for asking great questions and keeping the process moving forward. The idea is to get as much out of the material as possible and each person share their insights and knowledge. The point is to get as much out of the material as humanly possible for the advantage of all that take part in the MasterMind.
47. See also—2 Corinthians 10:18, 2 Peter 1:10, 1 Timothy 4:12-16, 1 Thessalonians 5:14, 2 Corinthians 6:3-4.
48. The Apostle Peter Strayed—Galatians 2:11-21; Matthew 26:34; Mark 14:30; Luke 22:34. Bonus: Peter was an ‘I’ personality!
49. “Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses.” 1 Timothy 5:19. Tread lightly. Get your evidence lined up first. Make sure others see the same thing.
50. If you search online through the archives of Christian publications, or even current articles,you will find articles on pastors acting badly in various ways. I cite a few here to make the point. Referenced 3/26/2019—
https://world.wng.org/content/harvest_removes_macdonald_as_senior_pastor
https://www.christianpost.com/news/baptist-megachurch-pastor-resigns-over-controversy-25439/
51. All Problems are leadership problems—this is a quote by me, Royce, made sometime in 2014.
52. “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:35. The term they will know we are Christians by our love, comes from a song of that title, “They’ll Know We Are Christians” (also known as “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” or “We Are One in the Spirit”) is a Christian hymn written in the 1960s by then-Catholic priest, the late Fr. Peter Scholtes. It is inspired by John 13:35. The title of the hymn “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” originates in a phrase that non-believers used to describe Christian believers of the early Church: “Behold, how they love one another.” Wikipedia contributors. (2018, May 9). They’ll Know We Are Christians. In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 15:59, March 26, 2019, from https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=They%27ll_Know_We_Are_Christians&oldid=840428865
53. Led by the Spirit—Romans 8:14; Psalm 143:10; Galatians 5:18.
54. “Seek first to understand; then to be understood.” Stephen Covey, from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Some sources also attribute it to a prayer from St. Francis of Assisi. https://www.loyolapress.com/our-catholic-faith/prayer/traditional-catholic-prayers/saints-prayers/peace-prayer-of-saint-francis
55. Romans 12:3—“For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”
56. Percentage of Cops that have ever fired their service weapon on Duty: 27%—http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/02/08/a-closer-look-at-police-officers-who-have-fired-their-weapon-on-duty/
57. Titus Chapters 2-3
58. http://just2007.temp.domains/~alaleade/wearecaris.com/youre-killing-your-church/
59. “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33.
60. Fools choice in Crucial Conversations—“What typically set them apart from the rest of the pack was their ability to avoid what we came to call the Fool’s Choice.” (Page 21) “The mistake most of us make in our crucial conversations is we believe that we have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend.” (Page 22)
Patterson, Kerry, et al. Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition (p. 22). McGraw-Hill Education. Kindle Edition.
Order a copy here: http://just2007.temp.domains/~alaleade/wearecaris.com/reading
61. Deuteronomy 1:17; Deuteronomy 31:6; 1 Samuel 15:2419; Psalm 27:1; Psalm 56:4; Psalm 56:10-11; Psalm 118:5-9; Proverbs 29:25 ; Isaiah 8:11-13; Isaiah 51:7; Isaiah 51:12; Daniel 10:19; Romans 8:31; 1 Peter 3:14; Luke 12:4-5; John 12:41-43; Galatians 1:10; 1 Thessalonians 2:4; Hebrews 13:6; Revelation 2:10
62. “Do not admit a charge against an elder except on the evidence of two or three witnesses. As for those who persist in sin, rebuke them in the presence of all, so that the rest may stand in fear.” 1 Timothy 5:19-20.
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses” Matthew 18:15-16
“A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.” Deuteronomy 19:15.
63. “And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.” Acts 7:59-60.
64. “And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34a
65. “And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Luke 10:27, Mark 12:30, Matthew 22:37, Deuteronomy 6:5.
66. “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25.
67. Love your enemies, Matthew 5:43-48—“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers,[a] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? 48 You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
68. This has been attributed to a Yiddish saying, a Chinese proverb, and to that ever famous wise sage, Anonymous. The point is to think on the comment if you hear it once. When someone tells you what they see in you, they may be correct. Or they may just be mean. It could be meant as an insult and it could be true. We should reflect. If we honestly determine that it is not true, simply move on. When many people say the same thing to us, we should take the comment more seriously and seek out the truth by asking others as well as searching our own heart and experiences, constantly looking for it in the future. If it indeed is true—even if we don’t see it—we should work at dealing with the issue in our lives.